Sunday, September 2, 2012

Doors closing


I don't ever write here, am not even sure as to why I made a Blogger in the first place.  But, since I have it, I am going to try to write more frequently; I am going to have time, after all.

Note:  This is going to be a bit rambly as I am not going to edit it today.

Literally four hours ago, I quit my job.  I was the CSM (Customer Service Manager) of Hastings Entertainment.  I started working for the company November 17, 2011.  I had applied for a seasonal position to give us extra money for Christmas.  Then, by an odd chance of fate, I ended up getting a more permanent position for a CTL instead of a Book Associate that I had applied for.  I guess the manager at the time liked my answer of "if you don't have common sense, you can't work a place like this".  Anyway, so I traied to be a Customer Team Lead and everything went smoothly.  I loved my job, for the most part.  After being a stay at home mother and house wife for ten years I was glad, though apprehensive, to be back out in the 'real world'. 

Shortly after becoming the CTL, the manager at the time quit and a new one was put into place.  The CSM at the time was half-assed crazy and everything was in turmoil it seemed.  Every time I walked into work I was hearing of some stupid crap that some other CTL or CSA (Customer Service Assistant) had done, and if not that then someone complaining to me about the crazy-assed CSM.  I believe that woman should have been on medication.  She did fairly well, this was the first time I think for her to have a position as such and just needed to adjust-she had been hired about the same time as me.  Of course, she didn't want to adjust I guess.  She would cuss at the employees, throw things, and basically treat people like shit.  I think I was the only one that ever escaped her wrath and that was probably because she most likely knew I wouldn't put up with it.  I also think age had a handle in it, too.  She was only a few years older than me, but everyone else was in their early twenties.  I don't know, but whatever it was she never once treated me like shit. 

Then, because of the complaints against her and whatever other reasons, she deiced to turn in her two weeks notice.  Something happened, one of her mood swings, and she was leaving before her two weeks was up.  I was then asked to take on the CSM position.  I fought it for awhile.  I didn't want the responsibility, I have children in school and I was still adjusting to working and trying to take care of my home as well.  About a month went by before I finally took the job.  It wasn't too bad, I was doing really good at it and I didn't mind all the responsibility other than trying to get my CTL's and CSA's to do their jobs correctly.  It kept me away from home more, but I was making money and contributing to the family and it made me feel good.

As time progressed, things were going swimmingly.  The front end was looking great, I still had employee's not wanting to do their job correctly but overall things were way better than they had before.  Then, about two months ago, I was working a Friday night and my back was aching.  My back aches from time to time, I thought it was the shoes.  Saturday morning rolls around and when I go to get out of bed, I can't move.  It took me nearly an hour to roll myself out of bed and then I couldn't even stand up straight.  I cried, I moaned, I tried to stretch my back out and got nothing.  Finally, I called my husband home early from work and asked him to take me to the ER. 

My ER sucks.  It's horrid, or rather the doctors are horrid.  I sat in the waiting room for hours and when I finally get to a room, the doctor checks my reflexes in my knees and ankles, says my muscles are just tight and gave me three shots.  He didn't even look at my back, touch my back, give me X-Rays, or anything.  I was...appalled.  I go home no better than I had been going in with a script for Tylenol 3.  Monday, I go to see a chiropractor and after a few days of that, I start feeling better.  Not entirely, but I was able to start standing up straight.  I then finally get in to see my Family Physician, who took some X-Rays and gave me a script for Lortab and Soma, a muscle relaxer.  He was sure that my muscles were just having spasms and that he didn't mind me seeing the chiropractor and said it looked as if my muscles were pushing my spine over just slightly because of the spasm.  Later I got a call after the radiologist saw the X-Ray and they said it looked like I had a degenerative disk. 

I go back to my chiropractor with this news and my chiropractor says that I could not have a degenerative disk at my age (I'm 33) without some sort of major trauma.  Then he starts babbling away how the doctor was basically an idiot.  I didn't say anything.  I mean, my doctor was kind enough to say good things about the chiropractor, buy my chiropractor wants to be a dick and say they are all completely wrong.  Whatever.  I continue to see him because he does seem to be helping me.  I go back to work, and then one day I am just sore all over and can barely move again, plus the last time I had seen the chiropractor he kind of hurt me.  So, I go back to my doctor.  He checks me over and still insists it's muscle spasms that aren't releasing.  So, I get another script for Diazepam (Generic for Valium).  No Loratabs this time because I still have the ones he gave me three weeks ago.  I have been going easy because I don't want to get addicted and so use them only when I need them, like really really need them.  He also prescribed me to start seeing a physical therapist. 

I really like my physical therapist.  I've stopped seeing the chiropractor all together now.  I was ordered to take it easy at work and I stepped down from my CSM position.  Still, even though I was getting better, I back-slid once more.  I just can't seem to work and get better.  So, after a bit of deliberation and talking with my husband, I've decided to quit all together.  I am not going to get better if I'm working and pushing myself at work.  I need to be able to rest and I'm just not getting it. 

So I am now, once again, a stay at home mother and wife.  I'm depressed at the moment because I feel as if I am letting so many people down...

But.. as the saying goes.  One door closes and another opens.. So, I wait for that door to open, or at least a window I can jump out of..

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Life Number

The Life Path 6 suggests that you entered this plane with tools to become the ultimate nurturer, and a beacon for truth, justice, righteousness, and domesticity. Your paternal, or maternal, as the case may be, instincts with a 6 Life Path exceed all others by a considerable margin. Whether in the home or in the work place, you are the predominant caretaker and family head. While the 6 may assume significant responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Conservative principles and convictions are deeply ingrained and define your character.

You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service, and ever present support. You are a humanitarian of the first order. It is your role to serve others, and you start in the home environment. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, the family and the friends.

This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. If you are like the majority with Life Path 6, you are one who will willingly carry far more than your fair share of any load, and you are always there when needed. In doing so, you take ownership and often become an authority over the situation.

In romance, the 6 is loyal and devoted. A a caretaker type, you are apt to attract partners who are somewhat weaker and more needy than yourself; someone you can care for and protect. The main ingredient that must prevail in the relationship is complete harmony. You don't function well in stressful relationships that become challenges for you to control. It is the same with friends, you are loyal and trustworthy. But there is a tendency for you to become dominating and controlling.
It's likely you feel compelled to function with strength and compassion. You are a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of your life, and these define your approach to life in general. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age. This allows you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on.

The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. You may have a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others, especially members of you own family or close friends. It's easy for you to fall into a pattern of being too critical of others; you also have a tendency to become too hard on yourself. The misuse of this Life Path produce tendencies for you to engage in exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Modesty and humility may not flow easily. Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern.

The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Walk In The Park - Picture Blog

Have you ever gone for a walk in an empty park all on your own?  A park that is usually overflowing with the laughter and squeals of little children?  I have.  I did this a couple of days ago and I have to tell you that walking in the barren park as I did was a bit creepy.  Even in the middle of the day, it was creepy.  I took my camera along with me for the walk and took some pictures and then edited them to my content. 

Anyway, I don't have much to write about today.  I mean...I do, but trying to find the words is going to take some time.  So, enjoy the pictures!

All pictures are taken and edited by me!  (I'm still learning how to edit pictures so shhhhh)
















Monday, January 10, 2011

In vino veritas

Drink to me only with thine eyes,
And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.
Ben Jonson (1573–1637)
To Celia



Wine testing...

A glass of wine a day/night is good for the heart... Right?

I've decided, on my quest to try new things, that I am going to try wine. Yeah, yeah.. I'm not much of a drinker and I never have been. I don't smoke, don't drink except occasionally, and I've never done an illegal drug in my life. I have a bit of a self-control issue. Anyway, I can count on one hand how many times I've been stone-cold drunk and still have a couple of fingers left over. I think if I actually liked the taste of beer or alcohol then I'd have become an alcoholic a long time ago. Yes, it's true, I do not like the taste of beer, ANY beer! I can drink it, but I need salt or to have had a couple of shots of something else to where I don't really taste it while drinking it. I like my tequila, though I need salt and lime, and I like my Southern Comfort and coke, Jack and coke, Rum and coke, but since I don't go out often and I am not compelled to buy the stuff from liquor stores, I very rarely drink. Also, it doesn't take much to get me drunk. Four shots of tequila and I'm buzzing pretty good. Anymore than that, and I'm losing at strip poker-that would be one of the few times I was drunk and it's not a pretty memory of seeing a couple of guys sitting across from you wearing your bra and undies on their head. *Sigh*


Moving on, as I was rambling (perhaps my blog should be names Rambling Mumbling Mayhem), I have decided I need to drink a glass of wine a night. Though, for someone who has an adverse taste for alcohol, where do I start? I've drunk boxed wine, hobo wine, however you want to call it and again, that was one of the times I got drunk (thankfully no stripping was involved in that one) and that was an okay wine, though not the type I'd want to drink a glass of every night. I want something classy... I know nothing about wines. I believe I want something a bit fruity, maybe? Something smooth and that the alcohol taste is hidden. How do I find the wine right for me without spending bookoos of money on bottles that might never get drunk? This is a quest I am going to have to think over before firmly adding to my list. I'm going to need help, advice, someone to tell me how to start.

I wonder if they ever do wine taste testings anywhere around me... That would be fun.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Trying to make a more fulfilling life

Side Note: This is my first blog, and I've had other blogs sorta on Myspace and Livejournal, but I've never truly blogged! And no, I don't have any readers, but you can't have readers until you start writing, right? Let's hope that I get a few...

***

I've been reading blogs here lately and one has stuck out at me and hit a sore spot with me.  Not that it's bad, no, it's actually a good blog.  His mission for this year is somewhat awe inspiring and it just got me to thinking... 

Yeah, me thinking?  Not always a good thing.  For example, earlier this morning I was digging through a box that still had Christmas gifts in it that we hadn't put away yet.  In the bottom was three small bags of fireworks, firecrackers, whatever you wish to call them.  Anyway, they are called M-1000.  Heh...  I giggled and my husband looked at me and said "Oh no!  I can already see the wheels turning!"  Oh yes, indeed.  I have plans, I have visions.  Visions of me and my best friend Sherina causing a whole hell of a lot of trouble.  *waggles eyebrows*  You can make a person grow up, but there will always be a child on the inside struggling to have some fun!

Moving back to the blog I was talking of...  This gentleman basically plans to do 1000 things in one year.  I'll link you his blog down at the bottom somewhere.  I was looking through what he plans to accomplish and it made me sad.  Why?  Because I would love to do half of the things he plans on doing and yet being married, having children and being broke all the time stops me from doing this.  For most of us, life is not what we envisioned it.  Me, myself, had plans of college and traveling the world.  Instead I tried a bit of college and married and had children.  I don't regret my life, per se, but I do mourn the dreams I once had.  I would love to make a list of things to accomplish during this year, fun things, things that have me traveling the globe, but I know that that will never happen unless I win the lottery.  So, after a few days of sitting around and thinking about it, I've decided that I am going to make a list that fits my lifestyle, so to speak.  I would LOVE to be outrageous, daring, doing whatever the hell I want, but I can't.  So, I will try to make a list of things to accomplish that will fit inside my budget and hopefully that will be fulfilling enough.  The deities know that I need a more fulfilling life. I'm not going to try to do 1000 things, but I am going to try to do new things.

Where does one start?  Well, I've decided trying Sushi is going on my list.  Yes, I live in the Texas Panhandle and getting fresh anything is like trying to milk a bull, but we do have a place or two in a town over from mine and I'm going to go try it.  Of course, I'll be taking my best friend so that she can steer me in the right direction.  She didn't grow up here, grew up in Florida, and so she is my go-to person when it deals with things of this nature.

I am also going to try to go to the Ink Life Tour when it hits here.  Yes, I'm inked x's two but I'm not one of those hardcore people with tat's all over her body.  It's not a normal place that one would see me at, but I am intrigued to go to it and I am hoping that, again, I can get my best friend to go with as my husband would not like it, I'm sure, and I will not go alone.  Maybe I can hit two birds with one stone and do the Sushi and Tour on the same day.  We will see.

I don't know exactly what else I plan on doing this year, so my list is short so far.  I'm guessing there will be a lot of photography in my future, me going off to places I don't normally do and taking pictures.  There has to be other things that I can do, maybe things that I can even include my family in, and when those ideas come to me I'll write about them. 

So, wish me luck and if you have ideas for someone on a small to no budget leave them in the comments below!

1 Year...1000 Things a blog by Jesse Brisendine <<-- The blog I was speaking of!

In Jesse Brisendines latest blog he asks "What can you do?" Well... I don't know yet on a very limited budget, but I'm going to try to do what I can and maybe give others who are in the same boat as I a new look on life... Let's be daring!